If you only knew...

I joined a pregnancy forum in What to Expect When You’re Expecting in May of 2010.  I love getting to know new moms who are going through the same things that I’m experiencing.  It was both comforting and at times entertaining to participate in this forum (can we say hormonal pregnant women all in their 9^th month?...DRAMA!!).  Throughout the births of our children we have continued to post on this board, only now our topics of conversation have gone from food cravings and mucus plugs to breastfeeding and poopy diapers (oh the joys of motherhood!). 

Last night, I was reading the forum and saw a post titled “prayers for baby Miranda”.  Of course, being the glutton for punishment that I am, I clicked on the post.  At this point my heart was taken away from me.  I read all about this family that was experiencing one of the worst things imaginable – an ending before a beginning.  I followed the link to the father’s blog and read for quite some time.  This family had been in a car accident just a few days earlier where this man had lost his 9.5 month pregnant wife and partner of 15 years.  They had been trying for well over a year to conceive this miracle baby.  The wife died shortly after being transported to the hospital and things looked grim for the baby.  He named the baby, Miranda, which means “she who must be admired.”  His wife never knew the sex of her baby.  The uterus had ruptured upon impact and the baby had no heartbeat or brain activity upon birth.  They were able to revive the baby but were unable to record any brain activity.  On the night I first discovered this story, they were taking the baby off life support and it was now or never, either a miracle would happen and the baby would be able to sustain life on her own or she would go be with her Mom in heaven.  I tried to stay up to keep up with the progress but sadly fell asleep before finding out what happened with baby Miranda, but not without sending up many prayers beforehand.

This morning, as soon as I woke up, I checked his blog again.  Unfortunately, Miranda passed when they took her off life support.  He wrote about how the prayers had been answered, not for the miracle of her life, but for the gift of strength.  He wrote about how he had the strength to bathe her and take pictures with her and peacefully send her on to be with God and her Mommy.  My heart was breaking.  I can’t imagine not only losing the love of your life but then your child.  I continued to read his blog and went backward in his postings, reading for a long period of time.  This just continued to make me sadder.  I read his last post before the accident and he talks about their L&D tour and about the impending snow storm.  This made my heart feel so heavy – if only he’d known that this snow storm would stop him from experiencing his happily ever after.  The post before that talked about how he’s not ready, the crib isn’t set up, the car seat isn’t installed, etc.  All I was thinking is how heartbreaking it’s going to be to go back to his house and have to put all that stuff away – what would you do with it all?  How would you even have the strength to get out of bed?

My heart has been heavy all day with this story of this family that I have never nor will ever meet.  I had a rough morning full of vomit and crying babies.  He had a rough morning full of sadness most of us will never know.  I’m trying to learn a lesson from this incredibly sad story and the only lesson I can come up with is nothing new to any of us – Live each day like it’s your last.  God has a plan for all of us and the truth is we will never know what it is.  We just have to do the best with what he has given us for the day and try to make it the best day ever because tomorrow is uncertain.  It’s a constant struggle but for today I encourage everyone to let go of the trivial and treasure every single moment for this family that doesn’t have that opportunity anymore.  My prayers go out to the Cole family for strength.  I’m going back to my puking toddler, crying baby and whiney dog and I’m so incredibly thankful for that!