Happy Birthday Baby Girl!

Today was E's birthday and I can't believe a year ago today we were holding our "little" (ha, almost 9lbs) baby girl in our arms and talking about how we couldn't believe we were lucky enough to have gorgeous children twice!!  We are 2 for 2 baby!!!

E had a wonderful day.  Here is a little of how it went down from her point of view for everyone who wishes they were here with us today!!

I had a very eventful day!  Mommy, Daddy, and Bubba woke me up singing Happy Birthday to me and I didn't know what they were doing but I sure did love to dance to their pretty song!!  I got so excited bouncing and dancing that I hit my mouth on my crib railing...ouch!!  But then Mommy picked me up and all was good!! 

It was day 3 of no bottle and I was still a little cranky about my soothing bottle being taken away and replaced by this mean ole' slow sippy cup.  Mommy gave me breakfast of whole wheat pancakes, bananas, and yogurt.  Then we went to drop Bubba off at school.  I really do love him so - I have the best brother in the world!  After we dropped him off we went to Wal-Mart and did some shopping and Mommy got me some new big girl snacks to help keep me nice and full so I will stop screaming for my bottle all the time and making her feel bad.  When we got home I took a nap and then tried some new foods for lunch which I was not fond of.  Mommy gave me bananas, peaches, lasagna, and green beans, most of which ended up on the floor. Then she gave me vienna sausages to try but I didn't like those very much either.  Mommy doesn't ever worry too much about that though cause my puppy, Jack is really good at cleaning up for me.  He doesn't like bananas though so Mommy said I had to stop throwing those on the floor. 

After lunch we went downstairs where I'm supposed to play so Mommy can get some work done but I wasn't very in to that today - I thought it would be much more fun to play with Mommy.  I grabbed her papers for work and tried to pull them off the couch, I tried to help her work by typing on her computer, and I even tried to help her open up her computer screen all the way so she could see but for some reason Mommy just kept laughing and calling me "trouble" whatever that means!  She finally gave up and got on the floor and let me crawl all over her and scream my high pitched scream which is one of my favorite things to do!  Then we had to go pick my bubba up from school and I took another nap in the car.  After that we picked Daddy up and went to Chick-fil-A for my birthday dinner.  After Mommy saw my disdain for lasagna she decided spaghetti probably wouldn't be the best dinner choice so chicken it was!  I ate four whole chicken nuggets!  Mommy and Daddy couln't belive it because I'm growing so fast now!

When we came home Mommy and Daddy sang to me some more - they sure do like that Happy Birthday song - and we opened up some more presents.  Mommy and Daddy got me a blankie just like the one my bubba has but this one was made for me!  I also got a guitar to work with my Rock'n Elmo that Nana got me - I love to hear him play music and dance and then I can dance too!  I also got my Disney Princess Parade figurine which Mommy and Daddy are collecting for me!  It was a wonderful day and I am so blessed to have such wonderful family and friends!  Can't wait to share the next year with you all!!

Perfection

Wow!  It sure has been a while since I wrote!  I'm trying to do better but am really struggling lately managing full time work and two kiddies.

Last night will carry me through all of the rough and stressful times.  We were in the kitchen making dinner and I had some Taylor Swift going on my iPod and all of a sudden we started dancing in the kitchen.  I'm not exactly sure, nor do I care, how it started - all I know is before I knew it, M was in my arms, E was in Daddy's arms, and we were dancing in the kitchen.  It was a beautiful moment and my heart was so full of joy!  I live for those moments.  Those are the moments of fantasy I pictured when I was young and would envision what my future family would look like.  I can't imagine ever feeling more blessed than I did in that moment and just wanted to share it.  Those are the moments where I find myself wishing I was on 24/7 camera so I could have them forever!  I am so very grateful for my family!  Wishing everyone a Happy Thanksgiving!!

Dear My Handsome Boy - 3 years 8 months old

Dear M –

Have I ever told you how wonderful you are?  I know you get told that you are amazing and perfect at least once everyday but I wanted to take a minute and tell you why.  You are just shy of 3 years and 8 months old and my how time has flown.  I get sad when I think about how quickly you have gone from a baby to a toddler.  This summer you have most definitely taken that a step further and have blossomed into a full-fledged little boy. 

I’ve seen amazing changes in you this summer and can see the person that you are developing into.  It astounds me, makes me laugh, and saddens me all at the same time.  You are really coming into your own and I’m sure that will continue as the years go on.  You have a crazy amount of energy and could just go,go,go all day long.  At the same time you are still craving attention and cuddling from your Mama – a favorite part of my job which I will never object to!

I wanted to take a minute and tell you all about your personality so you will have it to look back on when you get older.  You are incredibly curious and ask questions about EVERYTHING.  Then, to top it off, you also remember EVERYTHING!  There is no sneaking anything past you!  You love to jump, play and wrestle as most boys do and I don’t think Daddy or I will ever grow tired of hearing your little giggles.  You are ridiculously smart, sometimes too smart for your own good, and can draw conclusions from what you learn that I feel a 3 year old just shouldn’t be able to do!

I see the people pleaser coming out in you this year.  You are starting to discover humor and that people can be funny.  You desperately want to make people laugh and are constantly trying to tell jokes or say silly things to get a chuckle.  Once you find something that makes someone laugh – you don’t let it go and try to use it every chance you get.  You have this little fake laugh that you do when you are trying to get others to laugh which is sometimes funny (like when you tell a bad joke) and sometimes embarrassing (like when you laughed at the little girl who fell down in the store to try to make her feel better – but it definitely came off as laughing at her and not with her).  You also like to sing and dance and love to be drawing attention from the people around you.  You are my little entertainer and while I love seeing that part of you come out I also worry, as is also another function of my job, because I see the vulnerability in you and don’t want you to get hurt if one day your dancing and singing and horrible joke telling is not met with laughter and applause.

You are incredibly caring and an amazing big brother!  You love making your sister laugh and God knows how much she loves you!  You are starting to learn sign language again like we taught you when you were a baby so you can help her learn and I just think that’s the cutest thing ever.  You love playing with an entertaining her and most of all saving the day if we need you to bring her something or help us with her.

You have so much of me in you which I am glad for and sorry for at the same time.  You often will correct people if they are doing something wrong like not wearing their seatbelt, saying the word “hate”, snatching things, or not using a coaster!  You love cleaning up (I quite enjoy that I have instilled this in you!) but I wish you weren’t so afraid to get dirty.  You are a perfectionist, which I hope you let go of as you grow up because from one perfectionist to another I have to tell you, it kind of sets you up for failure as much as it pushes you to do well.  You want to do everything yourself and get extremely frustrated if you can’t do it the first time.  I don’t like seeing that frustration in you and want nothing more than to go fix it for you but I know that you have to experience that in life to be a well rounded individual.  As much as Mommy doesn’t like to admit it – you just can’t do everything on your own! 

You are RIDICULOUSLY into super heroes and are constantly trying to save the day and give everyone around you secret missions and super hero names.  I have to admit that we use this to our advantage to get you to do things like eat your meat and veggies, two things which you are not fond of, and to clean up your toys quickly.  Whenever someone asks you what you want to be when you grow up, your response is always, Spiderman!  While I know that you will most likely not be Spiderman when you grow up I do hope that you have superhero virtues and are kind and heroic and most of all, my little superstar, entertaining!!  You have an AMAZING imagination and I love to just watch you play when you don’t know that I’m looking.  You are one of the clumsiest little boys I know, again a trait you definitely inherited from your Daddy and I, and could hurt yourself in a padded room.  I really do hope you grow out of this trait all together but I know it’s not likely!

You rarely will sit still with me anymore but I love the cuddles I get when you just wake up from your nap or bedtime.  They keep me going throughout the day when you start to drive me insane with your energy and verboseness (I have no idea where you get that from ;))!  You often say things that melt my heart like when you tell me that I’m your amazing family and when I rave about how wonderful you are, you ask me if I’m going to keep you forever!  I can’t even begin to describe how full you’ve made my heart feel and how appreciative I am that God blessed us with you as our amazing, wonderful little boy.  I would love to keep you forever, Matty Drew, but I know that it will not be possible.  In the meantime, we are cherishing all the wonderful moments with you and are enjoying seeing you grow into this little individual person.  I know that when you are all grown, if you have one iota of the personality that you are developing now, then you will be a success at all that you do.  No matter what though I hope you don’t forget how much you are loved and make sure you always call your mother!!

You will be waking up soon and then the chaos will begin, and to tell you the truth, I can’t wait!

I love you baby boy, always and forever, to the stars and around the moon and back again a million times!

Love always,

Mommy (and stop calling me Mom, it makes me feel like you are already grown!)

Brownie Time

Today we made Everything But the Kitchen Sink Brownies!  My Nephew D was a little skeptical!

D cracked his first egg and didn't get any shells in the bowl!  SUCCESS!

We each got a chance to stir...

and to make it fair we each got to the count of 10!

Little ham had to take a minute to pose!

We added LOTS of toppings...

Everyone say "YUMMY!"

It's all about the last minute touches...

Evaluating the Final Placement...and we APPROVE!

Ready to go in the oven!

Now we are waiting really "patiently" for them to be finished!

...Enjoyment pics to come!...

Bad Day

I’m having a bad day. Simple enough statement, but the thoughts that go with it send me into a questioning mood where I begin to ponder the meaning of my life and the origin of my feelings and the truth is – there is never an answer to those questions. 

The baby has been screaming all day because she hates to sleep and then gets so tired that she just will not be happy, no matter what.  I just get so tired of not having a moment to myself.  These are the days where without a doubt I feel like I can’t possibly have any more kids.  I hate feeling that frustrated because the minute she calms down or smiles I feel guilty for letting my frustration get that high and because people in the world have SERIOUS problems and my only problem is my baby won’t sleep during the day.  It seems so miniscule, especially when I think about how much I love her and how grateful I am for her – so I just feel miserable and then guilty and then miserable and then guilty and on and on all day long.  Is this just the plight of motherhood and I just need to accept it and move on or is it me and my constant issues with trying to be the perfect mother?  Why don’t people really get together and talk about parenthood and their feelings more often?  I really think hearing that other people feel the same way and have the exact same thoughts and frustrations would be incredibly comforting.

I’m not trying to invite anyone to my pity party or seek any sort of attention, I just felt like I needed to get some blog therapy today because the fact of the matter is – I’m just having a bad day.

Tomorrow will be better.

Mommy Mafia

Girls are vicious.  Teenage girls can be some of the most dangerous people in the free world.  They wreak havoc on your self esteem that sometimes can never be repaired.  I think anyone who went to a public middle or high school can attest to this.  Guaranteed almost every girl has had another girl destroy them on at least one day of their life.  It might have been an enemy, a friend, or even a frienemy, perhaps it was your mother or a mother figure, maybe it was a stranger, but you usually don’t make it through high school with your self esteem unscathed.  So what’s the problem with that you might ask?  People are young, they don’t know any better, you move on, get over it.  The real problem with the fact that girls are mean is that girls grow up to become mothers. 

When I became a mother I was introduced to a world of judgment that surpassed anything I had seen in high school or middle school.  These were grown, educated, “mature” women casting judgment and vicious words left and right.  You become a mother and the war is waged.  I read an article once that talked about this “Mommy Mafia” and I thought that term couldn’t have been more appropriate.  Natural birth vs. Medical Intervention, Induction vs. Natural, Breastfeeding vs. Formula Feeding, Daycare vs. Stay-At-Home, Attachment parenting vs. Cry it out, Pacifier vs. Non-Pacifier – the list goes on and on and on.  I think the only thing that can absolutely be said about being a mother is that: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A PERFECT PARENT.  THERE IS NO RIGHT WAY!!

The joy that you feel as soon as you give birth to that wonderful child is quickly replaced by fear.  Once the Mommy Mafia gets to you it’s replaced by fear and guilt.  As a first time mom I let a lot of the judgments of others get to me.  This time around I really feel blessed to not be as bothered by it.  I think having a three year old puts things into perspective.  I watch him walk into his classroom and he looks just like the other kids in his class.  You cannot tell one kids background from the other just by looking at them.  I have no idea who in his class was breastfed, who entered the world “naturally”, who had a pacifier, and who was a co-sleeper vs. a crib sleeper.  You know what would become increasingly clear though if I sat there and watched them?  I would surely be able to see who had judgmental parents, as kids generally mimic exactly what they see and hear at home, in their role playing.

I think it’s an absolute travesty that the Mommy Mafia even exists.  Mothering is hard enough without the judgment of others.  We belong to an elite club – no one knows a mother’s love but another mother.  Even a father cannot grasp the depth of a mother’s love.  Why do we waste so much time judging each other instead of supporting each other?  I have read so many controversial posts in my pregnancy forum that it just astounds me the lengths that some people will go to in order to point a judgmental finger at someone else.  We don’t have to agree on everything, just because someone chooses to do something differently than I do it doesn’t make them a bad mother – hell, for that matter, it doesn’t necessarily make me a good mother.  

I think the mark of a good mother is doing what’s best for your children on a daily basis and it’s not in the little (yes, they really are little) details.  I remember very few details from my childhood but I can give you the big picture of what it looked like.  I don’t look back and remember if I was breastfed, or in daycare, or where I slept the first few years of my life.  In fact, I could give a crap about any of those things. I remember that I had a very supportive Mom who struggled to come to every event I ever had, she gave everything to us in spite of her own needs, everyday of her life. I know I won’t do the exact same things my Mom did, or make the same choices she did, because we are two totally different people and I’m sure I will raise my kids differently (notice I did not say better).  She already rolls her eyes at all of the precautions I take that she feels are unnecessary and I could care less – she doesn’t think I’m a bad mother she just didn’t do things the same way.  Regardless, I have complete faith that in the long run my kids will turn out to be well adjusted, smart, confident, and happy people whether I gave birth to them naturally or had an epidural, let them co-sleep or let them cry it out. 

Removing myself from the guilt of the Mommy Mafia has helped me so much this time around.  I know that the mark of a good parent is trying to do the best you can by them everyday in whatever method you choose.  I hope that we can stop, as women, being so judgmental, but the only way that is going to happen is if we call a truce and realize we are all currently employed in the hardest job around.  I hope that we can raise the next generation of women to be more open-minded and accepting of different points of view and most of all free from judgment – I know it’s not very realistic, but it’s my hope nonetheless.

"We do the best we can with what we know, and when we know better, we do better" - Maya Angelou.

Just say NO!

Yesterday, I had another one of those dreaded moments where I just felt like running away or falling on the floor and crying.  I think as parents everyone has those moments from time to time.  I remember watching Sex and the City 2, where Charlotte goes into the closet and breaks down and cries, and I thought it was such an accurate depiction of motherhood on some days.  I hate those moments and they are usually few and far between.  However, since having my second child I have had more of these moments than I’ve had in the past three years.  I could only help but wonder why it was happening so much more now.

After a long and aggravating conversation with the hubby we broke down all the problems that we think are leading to my moments of extreme stress – conclusion: I am trying to do too much.  Finally, after having my second child I must admit to myself and everyone else that I CANNOT do it all.  I’ve been struggling for the past 10 weeks to keep doing everything the same way and then some.  I’ve been working more, exercising more, planning more, and overall taking on more responsibility.  I started dieting again one week post partum.  I was back at the gym two weeks post partum, and I was back to work not even a week after that.  Who tries to do that? Yes, just crazy ole me. 

Well for our sanity it’s time to make some changes.  The truth is that these changes are going to be harder for me than for everyone else.  I suffer from “Can’t Say No-itis” and it has been impacting my life for quite some time! I’m going to have to try hard to fight my feelings of wanting to do everything and not wanting to miss any excitement in order to try to focus on stability.  New Year = New Balance (and I don’t mean shoes).  I have to take time to focus on myself and our family and do what’s going to be best for our children.  Children need roots and stability and if I keep going like this my poor kids will only know chaos. So from now on I’m focusing on just saying no.  I have to stop trying to do everything and start doing the most important things well.  I want our kids to know the quiet in life and have memories of just the four of us doing things – the way hubby and I have these memories of our childhood.  Nowhere in my childhood do I have memories of being shuffled from place to place with something to do at all hours of every day.  I remember family game nights, sports practices, girl scouts, and family dinners.  From this point on I’m focusing on my kids having these memories as well.

It wont be like this for long...

“There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots, the other, wings.”

~ Hodding Carter

It’s been several days since my last blog and while some might see that as a bad thing – for me, it’s a pretty good thing.  It shows I’m still trying to live in the gray.  Black & White Nicole would have sacrificed sleep and time with family to make sure she accomplished blog writing everyday.  Gray Nicole is much less stressed and is really trying to focus on taking things day by day.  It’s definitely a work in progress, one I may be working on for life but progress is what’s being made.

I’m sure that all of the people who have kids are going to relate all too well to what I’m about to say.  I had one of those days yesterday where I felt like my heart was floating above my body.  Yesterday was FULL of love.  I remember looking down at E and just being overcome with love and awe and thinking – now THAT is perfection.  That little sleeping girl in my arms,  let me see for a brief minute - God on Earth.  I felt the same way when M came down the stairs with his sleepy eyes, dragging his blanket behind him like Linus.  I LOVE that feeling.  I’ve found that feeling happens a lot less as they grow up because you get overwhelmed with the chaos of everyday life and honestly because it seems they start to test your patience more on a daily basis than overcome you.  The sad part is I feel these moments are just going to be fewer and farther between.  I can’t imagine my parents look at me very often and sigh and think – That’s God on Earth right there. I wish I could bottle up these memories to help me through the hard times because I know soon they will be gone.

I’ve noticed a lot of differences in the way that I act and think between the first and the second child.  I had this preconceived notion that I would worry less – HA!  I’ve noticed I definitely don’t worry less,  but I do care less about a lot of things that used to matter.   I’m not fanatical about using a changing pad anymore, I’ve learned how to change a diaper REALLY fast!  I’ve also learned that no matter how careful you are – pee, puke and shit happens so you might as well get used to it!  I don’t feel like I have to be purposefully teaching or working on skills every second of the day to be a good mom.  I’ve learned that the best way you can teach is to just live and let them watch you – talk to them and ask questions constantly.  Unfortunately this means my little one is now asking questions and talking constantly but it shows his curiosity and love of learning and I love that! I’ve also learned to stop wishing for the next milestone because time goes by way too quickly.  I find myself taking more and more time to just stop and focus in on all that’s going on around me and the perfection of my kids as I to try to soak it all up.

I was talking with a friend of mine about trying to bottle up these memories yesterday and found that she had the same thoughts.  We had both tried to take pictures of our babies from our perspectives, of those moments where the love overcomes you.  You think, “oh, this is so perfect – I want to remember this forever”, snap a picture and…nothing.  It doesn’t even begin to do justice to that feeling of your heart floating above your body.  I think the most we can do is just try to be present in the moment because the truth is once that moment is gone, its gone.  Sure, you can recall it and you may have some memories of it – but that feeling in that moment – it’s gone.

I already feel the difference when I hold my little one, feel her body tightening as she tries to lift herself up and look out at the world instead of conforming to me.  I know my days of cuddles are lessening as I type this.  I cherish hugs with my oldest because I so rarely get him to just STOP and let me love on him.  I wish I would have done it more when he was little instead of worrying all the time that I was spoiling him by holding him too much.  Unfortunately you can’t bottle memories no matter how hard you try to take photos, videos, and mental snapshots so - you have to be present in the moment.

Here are some of the things I’m loving currently:

-         I LOVE the smell of my baby girl.  All babies smell good, but no other baby smells like YOUR baby.  I love to just put my nose in her neck and breathe her in.

-         I love the way she looks up at me when she is calm and in my arms – it makes the world slow down just a little.

-         I love the way she takes two quick breaths right before she sneezes.

-         I love the way her face lights up when she sees her big brother.

-         I love all the different faces she makes when she is sleeping.

-         I love when Matthew is tired enough to put his head down on my shoulder when I’m carrying him.

-         I love the way his hand feels in my hand, it reminds me of how small he is.

-         I love the way he mimicked me when I was pregnant – it helped me see myself through his eyes.

-         I love the way he giggles uncontrollably if you are lucky enough to get him to let you kiss underneath his chin.

-         I love that he really seems to be turning into a loving and compassionate little person.

I could go on and on but then I wouldn’t be enjoying this moment while its here…

If you only knew...

I joined a pregnancy forum in What to Expect When You’re Expecting in May of 2010.  I love getting to know new moms who are going through the same things that I’m experiencing.  It was both comforting and at times entertaining to participate in this forum (can we say hormonal pregnant women all in their 9^th month?...DRAMA!!).  Throughout the births of our children we have continued to post on this board, only now our topics of conversation have gone from food cravings and mucus plugs to breastfeeding and poopy diapers (oh the joys of motherhood!). 

Last night, I was reading the forum and saw a post titled “prayers for baby Miranda”.  Of course, being the glutton for punishment that I am, I clicked on the post.  At this point my heart was taken away from me.  I read all about this family that was experiencing one of the worst things imaginable – an ending before a beginning.  I followed the link to the father’s blog and read for quite some time.  This family had been in a car accident just a few days earlier where this man had lost his 9.5 month pregnant wife and partner of 15 years.  They had been trying for well over a year to conceive this miracle baby.  The wife died shortly after being transported to the hospital and things looked grim for the baby.  He named the baby, Miranda, which means “she who must be admired.”  His wife never knew the sex of her baby.  The uterus had ruptured upon impact and the baby had no heartbeat or brain activity upon birth.  They were able to revive the baby but were unable to record any brain activity.  On the night I first discovered this story, they were taking the baby off life support and it was now or never, either a miracle would happen and the baby would be able to sustain life on her own or she would go be with her Mom in heaven.  I tried to stay up to keep up with the progress but sadly fell asleep before finding out what happened with baby Miranda, but not without sending up many prayers beforehand.

This morning, as soon as I woke up, I checked his blog again.  Unfortunately, Miranda passed when they took her off life support.  He wrote about how the prayers had been answered, not for the miracle of her life, but for the gift of strength.  He wrote about how he had the strength to bathe her and take pictures with her and peacefully send her on to be with God and her Mommy.  My heart was breaking.  I can’t imagine not only losing the love of your life but then your child.  I continued to read his blog and went backward in his postings, reading for a long period of time.  This just continued to make me sadder.  I read his last post before the accident and he talks about their L&D tour and about the impending snow storm.  This made my heart feel so heavy – if only he’d known that this snow storm would stop him from experiencing his happily ever after.  The post before that talked about how he’s not ready, the crib isn’t set up, the car seat isn’t installed, etc.  All I was thinking is how heartbreaking it’s going to be to go back to his house and have to put all that stuff away – what would you do with it all?  How would you even have the strength to get out of bed?

My heart has been heavy all day with this story of this family that I have never nor will ever meet.  I had a rough morning full of vomit and crying babies.  He had a rough morning full of sadness most of us will never know.  I’m trying to learn a lesson from this incredibly sad story and the only lesson I can come up with is nothing new to any of us – Live each day like it’s your last.  God has a plan for all of us and the truth is we will never know what it is.  We just have to do the best with what he has given us for the day and try to make it the best day ever because tomorrow is uncertain.  It’s a constant struggle but for today I encourage everyone to let go of the trivial and treasure every single moment for this family that doesn’t have that opportunity anymore.  My prayers go out to the Cole family for strength.  I’m going back to my puking toddler, crying baby and whiney dog and I’m so incredibly thankful for that!

Welcome

I sit here nervously staring at the page and not sure how to begin.  I've been thinking about starting a blog for awhile but have honestly always let the pressure get to me.  I didn't want to be forced to come up with witty rhetoric or anecdotes for the masses.  My sister has been pressuring me to to do it for a little over two years.  She seems to think that my family is hilarious and everyone would enjoy hearing my innermost thoughts and the hilarious stuff my son says. 

I've always had a lot of problems living in the gray area of life.  I'm very obsessive and am usually whole-heartedly on one end of the spectrum or the other (my family and friends are no doubt reading this and silently nodding their heads).  So for me, I had decided, if I'm going to write a blog I will have to be obsessed with it and hilarious or motivational at ALL times - and frankly I didn't have time for that amidst my many many many other obsessions.  Fast forward two years and many obsessions later and here I am, finally deciding that I HATE HATE HATE living in black and white.  It has taken me a month to really decide on my new years resolution and it is this - this year, and hopefully for the rest of my life - I'm going to live in the gray area.  So, on that note, I'm starting with this blog.  Maybe I'll write everyday and maybe I wont but either way it's going to be ok.  Maybe I'll be funny and maybe I'll be boring but again, either way, it's going to be ok. I hope you will find a lot you can relate to here as I'm a SAHM, a working mother, a wife, a sister, a daughter, a crafter, a baker, a perfectionist and most of all someone who is daily trying to figure out how to balance all of that in this chaotic life.

Let me tell you a little bit about me before signing off for the day.  My name is Nicole and I am married to the most wonderful man in the world, he makes me believe in fairy tales.  We have two beautiful babies!  Our first, M, just turned 3 and his little sister, E, was born just 2 months ago.  We are an ex-military family as my husband just got out of the Army after serving two tours in Iraq in a little less than 4 years.  I've struggled with my weight, as most women have, for most of my life.  During my husband's last deployment I started an incredible weight loss journey (almost 100lbs gone!) where I ended up at my goal weight and size just weeks before we got pregnant with our daughter.  Turns out that might not have been a smart idea as I then had a really hard time living in the gray during my pregnancy and gaining too much weight.  However my daughter is in my arms, smiling up at me as I write this and so I remind myself that it was worth it.  I'm also reminded not to have that bowl of ice cream I'm thinking of - but mostly reminded that it was worth it.

I have a wonderful job that allows me the flexibility of telecommuting so I'm able to have the positives of both being a stay at home, and a working mother.  I also have very loving and supportive family and friends who put up with my craziness on a daily basis.  So that's pretty much it, I'm a little bit crazy and a lot of fun ;) - I'm going to continue to play Cinderella with my modern rules and I'm going to embrace the imperfections along this journey to that illusive thing called BALANCE!  Who would have thought at the age of 30 I'd be dreaming of balance?  Tell that to my little 17 year old self and you will probably get a look of confusion and a smart ass remark about how I plan to do it all, but as my Mom always says 'It is, what it is!" so for now I'm just gonna go with it...